Coup de Grâce by Sofia Ajram

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5

This is one of my favourite books of the year.

Get lost in a liminal maze, while staring at yourself in the mirror, in this gorgeously written nightmare novella.

I've been having the same dream for 15 years, where I am stuck wander in a liminal space, sometimes I am trying to find a way out, sometimes I'm trying to escape from something. I always wake up without ever finding a way out. So when I heard that this is premise of Sofia Ajram's book, I almost fell off my chair. The book is almost exactly my dream, and it's also so much more.

This is like a magic eye picture, one way to read it is as a man who is lost in a never ending subways station, then at the same time, in the same image, it's a deep dive into the layers that make up depression and nihilism.

The prose are beautiful. I highlighted over 100 quotes in this book, and already pre-ordered the physical version so I could highlight and tab. Here are a few of my favourite quotes:
- There's not getting out of here. There is no way out. I feel like it's somehow all my fault.
- If you need me, I'll be having a nice ugly cry lying down on the floor.
- Pain is a god the body worships.
- Everything that makes me feel good, simultaneously makes me feel lost.
- Jesus take the wheel.

I love the exploration of place and belonging, from being stuck in a never ending subway station, to the things about this book that are very Quebecois. We also explore life as a place to stay or leave, and home as a real place vs a memory we're trying to return back to. It's gorgeous and heartbreaking.